33 weeks, wow! That suddenly seems like a lot of weeks behind me and not many left in front of me especially considering that this is the gestational week that Jathan was born during! Also on my mind is the fact that my doctor said anytime after 34 weeks is usually great for twins to be born. To be born! As in, outside of my body and being cared for individually by me. Eeek!
I waffle back and forth between being so, so ready and wanting to hold on as long as possible. Yes, it is uncomfortable. Yes, they are quite heavy. No, I don't have many clothes that fit anymore and I can barely put on my own shoes. No, I'm not getting much sleep. But. What if these are my last babies? Never take your fertility and your family for granted. You never know when God will only choose to bless you with different kinds of miracles from now on. I want to cherish each little movement and protect them with all that I have for as long as I can. I don't want to rush them into the big world; I want to cradle them inside their first world--right next to my heart where they are warm and safe and love is all they know, comfort all they feel. I will keep going for you, babies, until you are ready.
I'm realizing, however, that part of keeping going has got to be sitting down. Twice over the last week or so I've over done it and totally crashed and burned the next day. I didn't put it together at first but after experiencing the same symptoms twice after REALLY busy days, it finally dawned on me that I was suffering from exhaustion. Not as in, wow, I'm really tired but as in my body throwing me down on the floor and saying, "CUT IT OUT OR I QUIT." I seriously had bizarre chills and aches and a low grade fever all of which led to lots and lot of contractions which became regular. It took tons of rest, hot showers, and a whole lotta hydrating to feel better each time. Duly noted, body.
Other than feeling like death warmed over those two instances, things have been great! Keeleigh helped me set up the nursery corner of my room a couple of days ago. Bedding is in place, clothing is washed, changing table is set. When I add a few finishing touches, I'll post pictures for all to see!
Next Wednesday is my next doctor's appointment at which I will be 34 weeks (holy cow!). The doctor will do an ultrasound to check the babies' position. Honestly, I don't think anything has changed. I have this weird lumpy spot low on my stomach that I'm pretty sure is Baby B's behind. At least I'm kind of hoping it is, otherwise I have no clue what it is! I feel movement all around from kicks and punches above my belly button (but well below my ribs, thank goodness) to hiccups on my hips. It's so hard to tell where they are in there! I am still not thrilled with the prospect of a c-section but am at peace with it. I know that it might not be 100% necessary as women deliver breech babies and twins in all sorts of positions every day but it just isn't for me to do since my doctor won't and home birth is not an option. Still, keep us in your prayers. God knows the desires of my heart and I trust Him with them.
Isaiah 41:10 has been a huge help to me lately. I wish I would utilize it's truth more often. It says, "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Love it.