Wednesday, December 18, 2013

A Rant in Response to Recent Readings

Today I decided to "unlike" a certain Facebook page. It's sad really because in the beginning I found it to be a source of encouragement. Lately however the page owner has shared some ideas she is presenting as Christian that I feel strongly against. 

First of all, several weeks ago her husband guest blogged about how their marriage had endured a very rough start and how it changed. At the guidance of controversial author Debi Pearl, this wife decided the way to increase the intimacy she so strongly desired with her husband was "to please him." From the sound of it this basically meant being his servant even through ailments including brain cancer! Having a servant's heart is one thing, genuinely desiring to do those little things in order to put a smile on your man's face is one thing, putting aside petty differences and a nagging attitude is one thing--but ladies, it cannot all be on you. I wholeheartedly believe we should be right with God first. For me that often (every single stinkin day!) means an attitude adjustment, determining to be cheerful. It means putting aside my selfishness to work towards a greater good...the vision that is our family. When I am right with God, I get right with others. I don't nag my husband or snap at my children. That is the key, not seeking to please men but God.

Secondly this blogger gave a young wife some advice. The young wife was feeling overwhelmed taking college courses (at her husband's insistence) and being the sole caregiver for their young baby at night. She had asked and asked her husband for help and it seemed he completely disregarded her feelings. Blogger lady encouraged her by saying men simply aren't built for housework and caring for babies. She told her to let her baby cry herself to sleep in order to "train" her to sleep well. That way the mom would not feel so overwhelmed meeting her husband's unfair demands and she could rightfully please him. 

Um, yeah. Men, not only should you learn to act like decent human beings but you are Biblically commanded to treat your wife as Christ treats the Church. Grow up. Girls, be very careful when choosing a mate. Get to truly know them--their character, their relationship with Christ, their relationship with their family an friends. Have high standards!

Today this lady posed the question to her readers, at what age did your babies sleep through the night explaining that she had sleep trained them by six WEEKS old. I take great issue with this for two reasons. One: crying it out is scientifically proven to cause brain damage and other health issues not to mention emotional ones. God designed babies to need their mother's milk (which is digested quickly) sometimes quite often around the clock for many months. It is a new, American thing to demand small children sleep alone in their beds for long stretches of time. Several people commented disagreeing with my anti-cry it out stance saying that it worked for them! Well, yes it does work but at an undeniable cost. For everything from formula feeding to medicine usage even to Santa Claus, I hear "well my parents did this or that and I survived." That people is not a tribute to the wisdom of their choices but to the remarkable resiliency of the human body and spirit. SURVIVAL is not our goal. Or at least it's not mine. My goal is to raise up a strong, healthy, confident, righteous generation because if the world is going to survive we're going to need one.

Expecting your little baby to sleep all night is also many (most?) times completely unrealistic which brings me to point number two. When one mother talks about how her baby slept all night at six weeks or could play a concerto on his baby piano at four months or was reading and interpreting Scriptire at family Bible time by age one--or any other miraculous thing your baby can do--they are setting other moms up for failure. No, they won't fail their kids because kids are resilient like that. They will fail THEMSELVES day in and day out because they will set unrealistic expectations for themselves as mothers (and wives). They will judge their worst moments by your best. And they will never forgive themselves. I know because I've been there.

So I had no qualms hitting that unlike button a few minutes ago, and I'm quite sure she won't miss my following. I couldn't resist a good rant, however. Lol!

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